ok, day 2 of my fast. I just binged. And gues what? 

I weighed 100.5 lb this morning, and only gained 2 lb from the binge! I ate:

2 slices toast
2 bean and cheese burritos
1 big bowl special K with honey
1 bag of hello panda strawberry snacks
1 fried egg with cheese

i'm going to start a new fast tomorrow and shoot for 3 days.

Ok, these last few days have been absolute hell. Two days of MAJOR binging (we're talking half a cake, cookies, melted chocolate here) and an anxiety attack later, and i weigh 105.5 this morning. I havent weighed this much in ages. I think i may have some sort of super power. In 3 days i can gain 5 lb. How is that even possible O.o?

Well, i'm two hours into my fast and doing good. After today i'm going to break the fast with spicy veggie soup ONLY. I have one month to loose as much weight as i can. I think i can loose about 20 lb, wich is all i want and need to loose. If i want to loose more, i'm going to wait until i'm sane (like, ever have those 'why the hell am i doing this to my body' 'this is stupid' 'i'm so fucked' moments? I call those my 'sane' moments) and tell my parents and get checked into rehab. End of story. 

So, here are some subjects i want to touch on.

* Mutter is doing fine. I really love having the little guy to talk to. I can tell him anything, and he just squeeks ^.^ He so odd. Like, i've been feeding him people food ("yes mum, i just bought some rat food at the pet store for no aparent reason, it's not like i secretly have a pet rat...") and whenever i put something in his cage for him to eat, he circles it, and pounces on it! I think maybe he's part cat. I'm positive he's a baby, but he's already pretty large. Or maybe that wack on the head i gave him drove him bonkers. o.O! He really likes strawberries, toast, cheese, tomatos, and yogurt. I think he has a sweet tooth, i gave him a soda cracker, and he refused to eat it! Oh, and if you're wondering, i found out he liked yogurt because i had him out on my desk, and i was eating some. I look over to find he's tipped over the contianer and is eating my yogurt! I felt like bopping him on the head again. I asked him if he had any idea how long it would take me to clean the yogurt off my desk, but he apparently didnt give a shit. XP 

*10 reasons why i hate my brother. 

1. He's annoying and he might not even be human
2. He stole my lego set when i was in primary school
3. He called me a FATTY yesterday!!!!
4. Refer to above
5. Refer again
6. He's ugly and needs to shave off the ridiculous side burns
7. He has no taste in music
8. He hides the remote
9. He make sure he tells me i'm ugly at least once a day
10. He's probably right. 

I fucked up again. 105.5 no food tomorrow.

So much has happened i dont even know where to begin. I supose the begining is the best place to begin. 

Work has gone pretty great, but it is very tireing. That's good, and i hope it will really help me loose weight. I've lost one and a half pounds since starting, even though i binged last night. I also binged this morning. Note to self: putting off breakfast causes a binge, dont do it again! But in my book, binging in the morning is better than binging in the evening. 

Big news! I was working yesterday, when out comes what i at first thought was the BIGGEST mouse i had ever seen, but upon closer inspection turned out to be a small RAT!!! See, my mothers sister was bitten by a rat when she was a baby and died. Naturally i have a fear of rats, so i BRAVELY hit the little bugger on the head with a mop handle. After i was done freaking out, i came in for closer inspection. I was thinking to myself 'you know, it really is just a small rat...' and i was starting to feel a bit bad, when i saw it BREATHE! It was still alive! I picked it up and held it in my hand. I think i just stunned it when i hit it. Also, he was fluffier than the normal rat, and so i think he's just a baby. Well, i didnt have the heart to hit him again, so i put him on his stomach and rubbed his back. After a while he opened his eyes and squeaked. I took it as a good sign. Well, i didnt want to just leave him to fend for himself; after all, he's just a baby, so i cleared out the largest pocket of my tool bag and set him in there. Also, i lined with with paper towls so i wouldnt have to explain to my dad why my took kit smelled like rat piss. He tore up the paper towls, made a nest, ate the strawberry i put there for him, and squeaked happily to himself. I named him Mutter. 

Does it make me a looney if i say i liked having Mutter to talk to? I was all alone in the house, and he is a very good listener. 

While i was working, i was trying to calculate how much weight i could loose by early August. See, thats when i go on holidy to Washington D.C in America! I've never been to america. I wonder if it really is all fat people there. I have a cousin who lives there, and she certainly isnt fat. But then again, she's a health nut. Really! She calculates how much protein she gets, and goes for 3 joggs a day. I asked her on the phone the other day if everyone there was fat and she said not everyone, but a lot. Like every other program on the telly is about obese kids and the 'epidemic' situation. I hope i dont gain over there. I MUST loose at least a stone beforehand. To tell you the truth, i was a little nervous about going near where the president lives. I asked my cousin if the Americans would treat me terribly because i didnt like Bush, and she said no, most americans think he's a shit faced baboon just like the rest of the world. I asked her why did they re-elect him then, and she said 'God only knows and Florida cheats'. Whatever the hell that means. 

Oh! And a weigh in! I weighed 101 pounds this morning. See, its around this area - the 101-99 stretch that i ALWAYS fuck up and binge durring. I even binged this morning, but i'm going to try and not think about that. What's done is done. But no more! My goal is to at least SEE 89.5 lb on the scale before i leave for DC. That's all i need. I want a scale of my own downstairs in MY bathroom, but so far my parents wont buy me one. I like the ones that weight you in pounds instead of kgs because pounds are smaller, and therefore i think it weighs you more acuratly. 

Oh, i managed to sneak Mutter home! I just tossed a rag over him and took my tool bag downstairs. Mom and Dad didnt even notice! I cleaned out a little birdcage we have in the storage room (why we have it, i have no idea because we've never owned a bird) and put Mutter in it, along with some bathroom paper for him to make a nest out of. I fed him some egg left over from dinner, and he seemed to like that. He's got quite the appitite! I think maybe i can get away with feeding him some of my dinner when my family cooks. I hope he likes chinese. 

And that pretty much brings me to right now, where i'm sitting in my fathers chair, waiting for my grandfather to call me to work. Fed Mutter some toast and he liked that as well.

Ok, i'm actually going to use this journal now. 

So yesterday my two little cousins came down from london. They're staying with my grandparents, and i love them to death! They are so cute, but i'm sure that in a few weeks i'll want to strangle the both of them, lol! So when they popped by our house to say hello i was in my room, or The Cave as my parents call it, and i was already in my jammies. I didnt mind comming upstairs to say hi, because they're my cousins and they're only about 9 and 10 or something. So i went back to my room and a few seconds later the smaller of the two, Anna is at my door. I usually would have been well pissed, but i just couldnt get mad at her. Maybe it's because i hadnt seen her in months. So i came back upstairs and stood there for a little bit longer, and then it was time for them to leave. And get this, my parents wanted ME to walk them back to the grandparents! Me! They're the ones who are actually DRESSED and they're sitting on their asses and wanting ME, their little daughter who is already in for the night to go downstairs, find a BRA get dressed and walk the tots the four blocks to the grandparents. 

So, because i'm SUCH a good person i did, and it was actually quite nice outside. So when i get back i as my parents if i could go for a walk. Just a short one, but Nooooooo! Dad said i had just gone for a walk, and i tell him 10 min isnt a short walk, thats an erand! A short walk is about 25 or 30 min. A LONG walk is an hour. He just laughed at me and told me no. So then i storm off downstairs like i have every right to do, because my parents want me to get FAT FAT FAT and i have to console myself with youtube for the next hour.

Today is going to be better. I actually binged yesterday (Bad bad BAD Samantha. BAD! *smack*) but only gained .5 lb, not even half a kilo, so that's ok. I will do better today! I also have to WORK! I am painting a house and getting paid from it. I'm employed by my uncle who is a proffesional house painter. This is the same uncle who is also knowns as the hobbit because he is so reclusive. He is every bit the artistic type, and we'll not hear from him for MONTHS at a time, and he can never be trusted to keep any promises. But we love him any way, and his paintings are AMAZING! Of all the relitives in my family, i take after him the most. Mentally, i mean, because i dont look a thing like him. Dad alo told me i had better do a good job and listen to my uncle because even though my uncle is kind, he would fire me ass in an instant if i was slacking. Of course, i have no intention of slacking, because painting is a good workout : ) so we'll see how everything goes.